


What a Cock up!

by CrookshankKitty



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack Fic, Drunk Hermione Granger, Drunken Confessions, F/M, mentions of oral sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 11:32:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14715227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrookshankKitty/pseuds/CrookshankKitty
Summary: On a drunken night out Hermione confesses something her friends would rather not know.





	What a Cock up!

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt at a Crack Fic....Thanks to all the Ladies at Hermione's Haven.  
> Rolladrabble Prompt; Fred Weasley/Hermione Granger.  
> Doppleganger, Confessions.

 Hermione Granger was drunk! it was a rare thing to see the Curly haired witch in her cups.

 She was out with her friends, they were sitting at a table in the back of the Three Broomsticks pub, Hermione couldn't remember how many Firewhiskys she had downed, she was seeing double, she could make out four witches sitting at her their table, they were all moving around too much for her liking.

Lavender Brown was saying something, but she didn't hear what is was, Luna Lovegood started to laugh, the sound grated in Hermione's ears.

" I wish you four would stop laughing...and moving around...giving me a fucking headache!" Slurred Hermione.

" Four?...There's only us two here! You're totally pissed Granger...wait until Fred see's you, I have never seen you like this!" Lavender Brown giggled.

"Fred Weasley...my lovely boyfriend! is he here? He has a really big cock...I love it when we shag...makes me scream and cream everytime!" She announced in a loud voice.

This made both witches cackle uproariously, Hermione Granger had lightened up a lot since going out with Fred Weasley, he bought her out of her shell and she had calmed him down, they were good for each other.

" I'm sure Fred will look after Hermione, we had better take you home soon." replied Luna.

" Don't want to go home yet!...what were you laughing at earlier?...hope it's a rude joke...I like dirty jokes...Fred knows loads...did I tell you he has a huge Dick?"

" Yes, you said, We were saying that the Bloke over by the bar looks like Oliver Woods Doppleganger...they do say that every one has one." Lavender answered.

 

Hermione looked towards the Long bar with bleary eyes, everything was blurring in and out of focus.

 

" Do you think that the twins have Dopplegangers? can you imagine another set of Weasley Twins out there!" tittered Luna.

 

" I find it hard to tell them apart, Ron says that they were always playing jokes on the family, pretending to be each other." Lavender smiled.

 

 Hermione took a large sip of her drink, she turned to the two witches and smirked.

 

" I can tell them apart...well...George has only got one ear! Fred's eyes are a lighter blue...and he has that cheeky grin! ...and....and his Dick is slightly bigger than Georges!"

 

Lavender and Luna both looked at the Gryffindor witch, mouths open in shock.

 

"How and when!" spluttered Lavender.

 

" Do tell! I want all the details...confession is good for the soul!" chimed in Luna.

 

"Okay...but you must swear...I don't mean saying Bollocks or Fuck...I mean that what I tell you in Hogsmead...stays in Hogsmead!"  Hermione said.

 

Taking a deep breath, she lean't towards the two witches, they moved closer as well.

 

" Fred has been circum....Circum....Merlins balls I can't say it!...I'm too pissed...he has had his helmet skinned, George has still got his! It happened a couple of weeks ago...he was staying with us while the shop's flat was being fumigated...and was asleep in our bed!" she slurred.

 

" Fuck! doe's Fred know what happened, I mean was he there?" asked lavender.

 

"He was there, we were both a bit tiddly...we fancied a shag, but aunt Flo was visiting...so that was out! so I suggested a blow job...he went into our bedroom while I used the toilet, it was dark...I got into bed next to Fred...started playing with his cock...to get him hard...its easier to put in your mouth...a flaccid dick is no fun to suck!...anyway I digress...I didn't feel like Fred, then someone shouted, jumped out of bed and the lamp went on...George was standing there stark bollock naked!" Hermione whispered.

 

"Where was Fred?" asked a shocked Luna.

 

" On the floor...asleep...he had passed out!" Hermione had started Laughing.

 

Luna and Lavender joined her, the three were cackling so loudly they didn't notice the red head wizard standing next to their table.

 

Fred Weasley cocked an eyebrow in amusement, Hermione must have told them about the incident with George, his twin had been mortified at the time, but now he found it hilarious.

 

" Hello Ladies, I hope you are not too drunk to Floo home? I will escort you both to the hearth, Ron and Charlie are waiting with hangover potions!" he told them.

 

"Hi Fred!...my wonderful wizard...I'm pissed! Can you take me home-I want to play hide the wand...its magic when it disappears inside my magicians sleeve!" Hermione winked at Fred.

 

" Don't worry Fred, we will keep your secret, what gets said in Hogsmead stays in Hogsmead!" said Luna to Fred.

 

"I haven't laughed some much in a long time, Hermione is priceless when she is pissed! good job it only happens once in a while!" Lavender giggled.

 

" My witch can't hold her drink, she will be asleep on the table in three minutes...Look she's gone!"

 

The two witches looked towards Hermione, she had fallen asleep on the table, head resting on her forearms, snoring loudly.

 

Leaving Hermione asleep, Fred Escorted Lavender and Luna to the Pubs Floo, throwing the glittering powder into the hearth, both witches disappeared in a swirl of green flames.

He then helped his witch home, Hermione woke the next morning with a dreadful hangover, she downed the potion with a grimace, she vowed never to drink Firewhisky again, Fred laughed and said that would be until the next night out.

 

Lavender and Luna kept Hermione's confession to themselves.  The three would often have a laugh about it, Hermione did indeed keep off the Firewhisky, she got pissed on mead instead!

 

 


End file.
